What is Neuroaffirming counselling?
When you’re looking to find someone who can help you process trauma or work find ways to navigate the struggles of life, the various labels and jargon that surround the counselling and psychotherapy world can feel a bit confusing. In this blog, I want to address a particular phrase that is important to me as a therapist in describing how I work with people who are seeking talking therapy - neuroaffirming. For me, this word is more than a piece of technical language – it is at the heart of the work I do as a therapist. I want to unpack what neuroaffirming means to me, as it is such an important aspect of how I practice.
What does neuroaffirming mean?
I aim to work with people in a neuroaffirming way. But what does neuroaffirming mean? A good place to begin is with the word itself.
"Neuro" is a prefix that literally means “nerve.” The word neuro is used to refer to the nervous system. Our brains are a crucial part of the nervous system. Some people are given the label by society as “neurotypical” meaning their brains and nervous systems operate in ways that are like most other humans' brains. Some people are “neuordivergent”, meaning their brains and nervous systems operate in ways that are different from what is considered typical.
"Affirming" is a word that means validating, accepting, and supporting. When we affirm someone, we are saying they are “okay” – that we accept and value them.
Neuroaffirming, then, means accepting and valuing people’s nervous systems and brains, whether those brains are given a label of neurotypical or neurodivergent. Neuoraffirming means taking a stance that difference is valued. Neuroaffirming means creating environments, language, and practices that affirm and support the needs of different brain and nervous systems, without asking people to try to change, mask or hide who they are. Neuroaffirming means being interested in and encouraging of Autistic, ADHD, Dyslexic, Dyspraxic, Tourette’s (and the many other forms of neurodivergence) brains. Rather than viewing differences in nervous systems and brains as deficits to be fixed, neuroaffirming practices recognize difference as valid variations of human experience.
Difference is valued
Neuroaffirming therapy offers a prizing to all brains and nervous systems, whether you’re neurotypical, or Autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, Dyslexic, Dypraxic or otherwise under the ND umbrella.
In practice, neuoraffirming means an attitude and practice that celebrates difference and diversity in thinking styles, ways of processing information and sensory data. It means accommodating and allowing for difference, rather than asking people to think, feel or experience the world in a certain way. It means avoiding forcing someone to be a square peg in a round hole – instead, saying “I welcome your square peg-ness!” It means supporting a person to feel safe enough to be themselves.
So, what is neuroaffirming counselling?
In counselling (or psychotherapy) we utilise our brains and our nervous systems. Neuroaffirming counselling, or neuroaffirming therapy, then, offers chance to engage in talking therapy where our brains and nervous systems are supported and respected. Neuoraffirming counselling makes counselling accessible for brains and nervous systems that may have been given the label of “different”.
In my therapy practice, I work in a neuroaffirming way by:
Being open to meeting communication needs and preferences, and valuing the range of ways we communicate as humans.
Creating a space that helps to reduce threat and fear.
Celebrating difference, whilst also recognizing the challenges and potential for trauma of living in a neurotypical world.
Neuoraffirming counselling makes counselling accessible for brains and nervous systems that may have been given the label of “different”.
What happens in neuroaffirming counselling?
In practical terms, neuroaffirming counselling with myself, Claire Law, begins with the processes and approaches that are part of the information I share about how I work. I aim to make the process of starting therapy and then subsequently engaging in counselling (should you choose to do so) accessible to neurodivergent people. There are many ways in which I do this, and I’d like to talk through five practices and principles that are ways I am neuroaffirming in my counselling work.
1. Offering free contact prior to counselling in a range of formats
I offer a free initial call to people considering therapy. I am happy to offer this as either a phone call, or a video call, and can often also accommodate meeting in person for this free initial contact. For some people, emailing to discuss questions and needs is preferable to having a call. I’m open to all of these ways of making initial contact. To support you with the challenge of “what to write in an initial enquiry”, I have an online booking system on my website that allows you to book a call without needing to write or disclose anything about what has prompted you to make the enquiry. Some people prefer to use the web contact form on my website to ask a specific question without scheduling an intro call.
Free initial contact call or correspondence
Make contact using the format that works best for your communication preferences.
In initial contact, before deciding whether you want to book a counselling session, I offer space to ask direct questions about myself or about therapy. I am open to people asking about my lived experience of neurodivergence.
2. Providing information about what to expect
Having information about the process of counselling can be of support to nervous systems that find change and transition challenging. For this reason, on my website, I have listed clearly how to make contact and what the process of making an initial enquiry involves. I include plenty of information about what to expect in the first counselling session. I’ve included pictures and a video of the room I use as therapy room to help people feel more at ease with the physical space.
Before we meet for a first session, I will have communicated with you some of the practicalities involved in our work together – how long sessions are, where you can park your car / bike, where to wait before the session, how we will manage payment and – if working online – how I will share with you the link for the online session. I will also have asked you about any inclusive adjustments you may benefit from to ensure the therapy is accessible for you. You are welcome to ask questions as needed.
3. Attending to communication needs and preferences
There is more than one way to communicate. Despite the name, “Talking Therapy” does not always need to involve verbal communication. I am open to using pictures, expressive art materials, written words and body language as alternative forms of communication in sessions and have materials to hand to facilitate this in face-to-face sessions.
I recognise that connection and safety come before being able to open up. I help people to feel more comfortable speaking about difficult things by building rapport through discussions around special interests. I’ve also been known to offer chance to play a simple game, such as “eye spy” or gently throwing a ball back and forth to support with connection. Some people benefit from being asked direct questions, rather than allowing for extended periods of open-ended silence which can feel uncomfortable if you have a nervous system that values structure. I’m happy to think outside the box and to be flexible around communication.
Connection and safety come before being able to open up
I’m happy to think outside the box and to be flexible around communication to support you in feeling more comfortable.
4. Stimming is welcomed
Feeling comfortable and at ease involves knowing that it’s okay to use strategies that help you regulate. Many neurodivergent people have been told openly, or indirectly, that they can’t stim. I recognise the importance of stimming for neurodivergent wellbeing. In my room, you’ll find plenty of things to look at to support with visual stimming, as well as plenty of sensory items and “fiddle” objects. I’m fine with you bringing something that helps you to feel at ease. If you want to take your shoes off and settle into the sofa, fine by me! If you prefer to snuggle under a blanket, or squeeze a cushion, great. And, I won’t need or expect you to give eye contact as I recognise that modulating vision can be a way you self-regulate.
5. Respecting Autonomy
Many neurodivergent people who come to therapy have lived experience of trauma from living in a neurotypical world. Being told that you are “too much” or “not enough”, or that you are doing it “wrong”, or need to be more “normal” can play havoc with a secure sense of self. For this reason, I am not going to tell you what you need to do, or “ought” to do. I want to respect your autonomy to live your own life, in your own way, in your own terms.
Some people do benefit from reminder emails relating to sessions. I am happy to offer this – but also balance this against respecting your autonomy.
Some clients express concern that as they talk, they are “jumping all over the place”. I have no need for you to be “neat and tidy” or “coherent” and “fluent” in the way you express yourself and tell me about your world. I’ll be working to follow you as you are. If you find you do want my support in bringing you back to an agreed focus, I value you letting me know this, and I will respond to your request. But I’ll also be respectful of your autonomy in the way you let me into your world and won’t impose a “certain way” for you to tell your story.
Get in touch
My hope is this blog has answered the question: “what is neuroaffirming counselling” for you, and you have a good sense of how I work as a neuroaffirming therapist. If you are looking for a neuroaffriming counsellor, I welcome you getting in touch to ask about my current availability. Feel free to make contact with me, Claire Law.
We can talk through how online counselling or face-to-face neuroaffirming counselling can help you thrive as an Autistic / ADHD / Dyslexic or otherwise neurodivergent individual.